self portrait 

warsan shire

how far have you walked for men who've never held you're feet in their laps? how often have you bartered with bones, only to sell yourself short? why do you find the unavailable so alluring? where did it begin? what went wrong? and who made you feel so worthless? if they wanted you, wouldn't they have chosen you? all this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn't hear you, but they smelt it on you, you must have known they could taste the desperate on your skin. and what about the others that would do anything for you, why did you make them love you until your could not stand it? how are you both of these women, both flightly and needful? where did you learn this, to want what does not want you? where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?

you make lists in your head about what you want in a lover, like brown hair and a sweet voice. a sharp mind and a soft heart, a sense of humour that actually makes you laugh like you mean it. this and that. and it's all bullshit. because people aren't lists. and i've always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that. i want to come across someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person that i am, and i want to show them what they didn't even know they were looking for. people who think they know what they want are fooling themselves. nobody really knows what or who they want. not until it's right in front of them. 

{marianna paige}

from the streets of new york 

cause baby you're a firework